“In our private chat with only Members, several are saying the only way to save our Republic is for Trump to call for Marshall law”— text from Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-Arkham) to Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, January 17, 2021.
Sources: Washington Post, Deep State.
Updated 08.12.22, with evidence from FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago on 08.08.22
Shortly after midnight on January 18, Egil “Bud” Krogh was called to the White House to deal with a clogged toilet in the residence. Fearing the worse, he brought three extra pairs of hazmat gloves and his 3M 7000 Full-Face Respirator, designed for “chemical and biohazard environments.”
In addition to the expected rock-solid yet surprisingly mephitic mass, Krogh discovered what he first thought was a large clump of toilet tissue but which turned out to be a crumpled sheet of White House stationery.
The wadded document was confiscated by a White House aide present for just such an eventuality, sealed in an evidence bag and sent to the National Archives and Records Administration. There archivists carefully decontaminated (1), rinsed and dried the paper, which was determined to be on the president’s letterhead but was otherwise illegible.
Using an AI-driven system developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (darpa), they were able to reconstruct the document, revealed to be notes in President Trump’s handwriting weighing the pros and cons of declaring martial law, as had been urged by Congresswoman Taylor-Greene the previous day.
Trump either decided against or forgot about the plan, and it does not appear he took any of the actions listed, at least to date.
(1) Analysis of the feces showed an extraordinarily high sulfur content well out of the range for a human or any mammal.
UPDATE: On August 8, 2022, the FBI raided Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence and recovered 11 sets of classified material and presidential records, including one box containing an Admiral’s hat.
Source: Safe in David Pecker’s office at American Media, Inc.
This memo is circa 1991-92*.
In 1992, a gossip column in New York Newsday called The China Club, then located in the basement of the Beacon Theater at Broadway and 75th street, “Donald’s Monday-night nest.”
UPDATE: On August 14, the Washington Post reported that Donald Trump allegedly molested a young wanna-be model in the China Club in the early Nineties.
Kristin Anderson told the paper that she had been seated on a tufted red velvet couch when she recognized the man to her right. “I mean,” she said, “Nobody else has those eyebrows.” As Ms. Anderson talked with friends, Mr. Trump proceeded to casually snake his hand up her miniskirt and poke her vagina though her underwear.
“It wasn’t a sexual come-on,” she said. “I don’t know why he did it. It was like just to prove that he could do it and nothing would happen. There was zero conversation. We didn’t even really look at each other. It was very random, very nonchalant on his part.”
The accusation came a week after the release of a 2005 Access Hollywood tape, in which Mr. Trump is recorded telling host Billy Bush off camera, “when you’re a star, they let you do it, you can do anything … grab them by the pussy. You can do anything.”
“Mr. Trump strongly denies this phony allegation by someone looking to get some free publicity,” Trump spokeswoman Hope Hicks told the Post. “It is totally ridiculous.”
SECOND UPDATE: On October 22, Mr. Trump claimed that the ten women who had come forward accusing him of sexual impropriety were making it up to hurt his campaign. “All of these liars will be sued after the election is over.”
He further speculated, “It was probably the (Democratic National Committee) and Hillary’s campaign who put forward these liars with their fabricated stories. But we’ll probably find out later through litigation, which we’re so looking forward to.”
THIRD UPDATE: In a cover story in New York magazine in June 2019, writer E. Jean Carroll accused Mr. Trump of raping her in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room in 1995 or early 1996.
FOURTH UPDATE: On June 27, Mr. Trump told the political website The Hill that Ms. Carroll was “totally lying.” He explained that he could not have raped her. “She’s not my type,” he said, “OK?”
UPDATE TO SECOND UPDATE: As of April 27, 2022, Mr. Trump has not sued any of the more than two dozen women who have accused him of sexually assaulting them.
In July 2006, Donald Trump attended the American Century Celebrity Golf Championship in Lake Tahoe. All the famous people were there: Dan Quayle, Ray Romano, and other famous people. But one particular luminary caught his eye: Stormy Daniels, star of the award-winning Space Nuts (2003), Porking with Pride 2 (2004), The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005), and about 75 others.
Mr. Trump invited the actress up to his room and “we talked,” Ms. Daniels later recalled. “He asked me a lot of questions about my business. You know, the business I work in and how it works and how it functions. All like technical questions. He was very curious.”
They also had sex in the missionary position and watched Shark Week*.
Mr. Trump’s interest in Ms. Daniels’ profession was more than cursory pre-fornication chit-chat.** As it happened, he has been exploring that space for more than four decades.
Mr. Trump in the New York Military Academy’s 1964 yearbook, with potential victim.
As their relationship blossomed into more missionary sex, Mr. Trump asked for Ms. Daniels’ help in getting into adult entertainment. His big idea: Trump-branded adult films for the regular guy, with no crazy positions and no cunnilingus. He had already come up with several titles (Man on Top, Missionary Madness, Man on Top 2: Always on Top , Two Scoops of Vanilla, etc.) and had written some dialogue on napkins (“Take it, bitch,” “Not so small now, OK?”, “Call me Sir,” and “¡Olé!,“) . Ms. Daniels convinced him there wasn’t much call for regular sex porn and she didn’t think they could find performers who could do it convincingly. Unfortunately, Mr. Trump had already started manufacturing a line of tie-in sex toys.
Starting in the spring of 2007, ads for Donald Trump Emperor Brand novelties began appearing in select men’s magazines. (Modesty heads have been added.)
Clockwise from left: Hustler’s Barely Legal (March 2007), featuring a “Dominique ‘Lolita’ Nip Slip;” Celebrity Skin: Sexy School Girls (October 2007); Swank (November 2007), featuring a “Teenage *** Queen;” and High Society (November 2007), featuring Ms. Daniels on the cover.Barely Legal spreadDetail of Ad
The line suffered endless setbacks. The Emperor’s New Sheath Chinese Silk Reusable Condom was forced to include a black box warning that it did nothing to prevent pregnancy or disease, and could cause Toxic Shock Syndrome. Only one Trump Tower was ever made and the British duke who purchased it complained that it was clearly pre-owned, with later tests finding it was contaminated with a particularly nasty strain of e colionly found in raccoons. Several thousand units of The Emperor were sold but nearly 90 percent were returned when it proved incapable of penetrating even the most accommodating vagina.
There do not appear to be any Emperor ads after 2007. In March 2010, the Trump Emperor LLC declared bankruptcy, claiming no income and listing $18 million in debt owed to various vendors and prostitutes.
UPDATE: In her 2018 memoir Full Disclosure, Ms. Daniels does just that, writing that the president’s penis as “smaller than average… but not freakishly small” before getting quite specific: “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool… I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”
Source: Employee of the Bureau of Records and Statistics in the borough of Queens, the City of New York, via the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Southern District of New York.
Donald Trump’s official birth certificate, on file at the NYC Dept. of Health.
On October 15, 2016, Timothy Thomas Talbott, 96, fell to his death from the front porch of his home in Masspeth, Queens. Mr. Talbott had been an employee of the NYC Department of Health from 1939 until his retirement in 1984. Among his possessions was a sealed plastic bag taped inside a toilet tank. It contained 38 state-mandated physician reports of venereal disease in prominent New York socialites dating back to 1942, and the original paper record of the birth of one Donald John Doe on June 14, 1946, which bore a number of similarities to the document above, including the certificate number. (Shown below)
Pursuant to a federal search warrant, in March 2017 authorities discovered a false wall in the Mr. Talbott’s basement hiding a crawl space that contained nearly $4,000 in crumpled bills, a keepsake album with several dozen pairs of carefully pressed women’s undergarments, and $250,000 in chips from the Trump Plaza Casino, now worthless. The investigation was shelved shortly thereafter.
Update: On August 12, 2020, John C. Eastman, a prominent conservative legal scholar, argued in a Newsweek column that Kamala Harris was not eligible to run for Vice President since her parents were not naturalized citizens at the time of her birth in Oakland, CA.
Many other legal scholars dismissed Mr. Eastman’s argument, calling it “truly silly,” “Worse than nonsense,” and “garbage.” Asked about it two days later, Mr. Trump responded, “I heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements,” adding “It’s very serious.”
Update 2: On January 5, 2024, Mr. Trump reposted a story on the Gateway pundit, claiming that Nikki
